ENNIS, MT—In a move that Montana Fish, Wildlife, and Parks officials have called the most critical negotiation since the 1919 Treaty of Versailles, the American and Worldwide Fish Union (AWFU) has offered to end the seventeen-day hunger strike by Montana game fish on one condition: anglers must stop saying fishing is not about the catch.
Negotiations between the AWFU and the Anglers’ Federation of North America (AFNA) have been tense, with both sides refusing to budge. AWFU spokesperson Gil Bream, a rainbow trout from the Madison River, expressed frustration over the anglers’ insistence on ‘philosophical musings’ during every fishing trip. “We’re tired of it,” Mr. Bream said during an afternoon press conference. “It’s always the same. ‘It’s not about the catch,’ they say. Well, if it’s not about the catch, why are they fishing here? We know it’s about us, they know it’s about us, the American people know it’s about us, and it’s time they stop acting like it isn’t.”
AFNA president Chad McGuffin fired back in response, defending the anglers’ perspective. “Look, it’s about more than just catching fish. It’s about the experience, the serenity of standing in a river, and the connection with nature. Sure, we enjoy a good catch, but fishing is a journey. The fish are just one part of that.”
Mr. McGuffin went on to criticize AWFU for “taking things too personally” and claimed anglers were being unfairly targeted. “Honestly, who’s the one getting hooked here? My constituents save for months to take a trip of a lifetime. All they want is a peaceful day on the water, and now they have to deal with fish going on hunger strikes. That’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?”
While Mr. McGuffin’s story resonates with baby boomers, the latest Harris Poll shows 83% of college students support AWFU, with demonstrations and solidarity hunger strikes on some campuses. Amber Harmony, an eighth-year philosophy major at Millbottom College, explained why she and seven other students hadn’t eaten for five hours. “How can someone chase these fish across the country with thousands of dollars of gear and claim it’s not about the catch? It’s wrong, and it needs to stop. We won’t eat again until dinner if this doesn’t change.” Harmony later clarified that she and her peers planned to continue their protest until dinner “unless the dining hall runs out of vegan options.”
Interior Secretary Sierra Moss said in a prepared statement, “We hope for a peaceful resolution to this conflict. While the President and I stand behind the rights of our nation’s voting anglers, we understand the situation these fish face, and we believe a compromise is soon to come.
“We are convening a task force to explore the impact of angler-fish relations on national well-being,” Ms. Moss added. “We’ll also conduct surveys to gather feedback from both aquatic and human stakeholders over the next fiscal year.” The Department of Labor has also issued a formal statement, suggesting AWFU’s demands be met in accordance with “fair labor practices for aquatic workers.”
Mr. Bream closed his press conference with a powerful plea to a young man in the audience. “Can you imagine what it would be like if someone hid a hook in your Big Mac, dragged you across the parking lot when you took your first bite, held you up for a photo, ‘released’ you on the asphalt beside their truck, recited some hollow platitude, and then told everyone you weren’t the main reason they did that?”
